I’m going through some changes.
I don’t mean like Michael J Fox in Teen Wolf, although facial hair is a bit of an issue at the mo – I gave up trying to grow a beard as all I could manage was a replica of the Captains Avatar. Anyway, the changes I’m primarily concerned with, is getting old. I never thought it would happen to me, but day in day out things are there reminding me that I wont be asked for ID anymore.
Yes I’m aware the first digit of my age is now a 3, so I should have realised my youth was over quite some time ago. But sometimes, I still feel like I am able to wear a belt around my trousers which serves no purpose but a lower frame for displaying the top 3 inches of underwear. Seriously, what’s that all about? It’s up there with walking around shops with a mobile phone on loudspeaker playing mp3’s through a ridiculously tinny in-built speaker. Perhaps the thought that you ‘think’ you are still young is the problem. I should hear alarm bells when I go out sat nights with the lads and rather girls now saying ‘do you have a girlfriend?’ they simply look for a white mark where your wedding ring should be.
It doesn’t stop there though! I constantly find myself saying “I remember the original” to a recent chart release. My Dad used to say that to me 15 years ago! Now I know I have the ability to state ‘I passed my driving test before the ‘theory’ test was introduced’ but to actually remember the original version to a song surely is a sign you are not young anymore.
One reminder that I wasn’t born after Channel 4 started, is text talk. When I was in my late teens/early 20’s, mobile phones became really popular but no where near the magnitude of today. My first phone, a Motorola flare, complete with credit card sized sim card, retractable aerial, 2 line lcd display, flip down front and a battery the size of a Ford Capri bonnet, was one of the first phones to have a text message facility. Not much use at the time unless somebody else had one! (How did Alexander Graham Bell test the first phone??) Anyway, rapidly after this feature was released, texting became a way of life for most. But now, I get sent words which have literally no meaning to me
WTF
WOOT
WUU2
G2G
IDK
I can cope with the basics of LOL, LMAO, BTW etc, but if it wasn’t for our friend Wikipedia, I’d have no chance. Also, who decided to use txt talk while actually speaking? “Yeh K den,” “way dare a min” I think you will find its “Yes ok then” and “wait there a minute”. It’s almost as annoying as using fingers to talk. Punctuating the air and making a ‘w’ while turning your back on someone.
I’m not having a dig at the ‘young folk’ by the way, I’m merely pointing out that its scary that one day you think you have your whole life ahead of you, and then ‘bang’ you wake up with a wife, 3 kids a Volvo estate and monthly subscription to ‘What Lawnmower’. Not that any of that refers to me of course, I would never drive a Volvo
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But the thing that shocked me the most was electricity. Sorry, the thing that shocked me the most was a recent visit to have my hair cut. I went to my usual place, sat down reading FHM waiting for Jayne my usual stylist when she shouts over, ‘Wayne is going to wash you is that ok?’ I have no issues with the 18 year old trainee, but my usual washer, Catherine leaves little to the imagination while she leans over to rinse. Anyway, I’m not one for small talk (a horrible habit of hair stylists) but I join in and this is how it went:
Wayne: “going out the weekend?”
Me: “nah, quite one in after last weeks late one, you??”
Wayne: “nah just gonna go online on the Xbox with my mates”
Me: “oh right nice one”
Wayne: “yeah do you know what Xbox live is?”
Now is it me, or did Wayne just assume that I am too old to appreciate modern gaming? It was a wake up call I tell you. Far be it for me to comment on the accusation at a risk of shampoo-in-the-eye situation, I just sat quietly and if I’m totally honest, cried inside. I really have gone past it if I look to old to know what online gaming is!
You want more proof of how you know when you are getting on a bit?
• You have a stick in your shed that serves no purpose but to stir paint with
• You have a special pair of ‘gardening’ trainers
• You stand firm that R&B was a music genre dating back to the 40’s
• You still think that ‘Marathon’ was a far better name than ‘snickers’
And finally:
• You write a blog complaining that you are getting old.
Red Dazes age issues.
I found myself nod nod nodding away to most of that.
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) and the hairs in the ears that tickle and the nose, it started overnight and resulted in a nose and ear trimmer being a must for last christmas.
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