I thought I'd take you through a little trip through history, and how they've shaped our world today (image intensive post...sorry).
In the beginning, apart from light, there were many creatures living on this Earth.
It started with many large lizard-like creatures and eventually evolved into the Dinosaurs.
One of the most famous of these was the gentle giant: Yoshisaurus Herbivourum
Despite modern artistic licence, Yoshisaurus was unlikely to have worn boots
This was a relatively placid dinosaur that was a plant eater (hence the name) and lived in herds in large "supergroups" along with diplodici (is that a word?) and stegasaurus's.
It was hunted by many many now extinct carnivors.
One of the most famous being Tyrannosaurus Rex.....but even old Rexy would run from the truly terrifying thunder lizard of Koopasaurus Tyrannicus:
Diet confirmed by analysis of its petrified dung
Koopasaurus was actually more related to modern turtles than dinosaurs, but it could be thought of as a carnivorous version of an ankylosaur.
Dinosaurs existed on this Earth for millions and millions of years. Many scientists have incorrectly concluded that the extinction of the dinosaurs was brought about by a combination of tectonic plate activity causing volcanic eruptions (hence helping to effectively poison the atmosphere) and a large asteroid that landed in the Mexican peninsula about 65 million years ago. The asteroid was termed an
E.L.E (extinction level event). However, this is a modern myth perpetrated by the media to conceal the true horrifying events that led to the death of 50% of all species on Earth....
.....Giant Enemy Crabs.
I'm not talking about the lice variety here either. These "super crustaceans" evolved toward the end of the Tertiary period and systematically decimated nearly half of life on Earth.
They did, however, allow the evolution of Humans...who even during caveman days, had to contend with these armoured beasts in their fights for survival.
Some early caveman; courtesy of The National History Museum
Well, as you probably learnt in school, the crab pestilence lasted until medievil times ...until one day, an old samurai warrior named Kenishiwa Keturagi-San figured out that the way to defeat these crabs was completely different to what was being practiced. Rather than run up to the crabs and weld plate steel onto their existing armour (which was only making the crabs more invulnerable....doh), the trick was to
"attack them at their weak points (sic)".
This was the master stroke needed to finally defeat our ancient foe.
Within 1 generation the all-conquering Giant Enemy Crabs were all but extinct, and humankind could feast on many years supply of seafood sandwiches (they may have been deadly when alive, but they were very tasty when dead).
A giant enemy crab if it were live today
As humanity, we were finally free!
Our renaissance, that allowed us to create new science, medicine, art, literature and music, alas only lasted until the mid 14th century. The Black Death was upon us. Again, there are many historical innacuracies with regards to this unfortunate epidemic that plagued our cities. You probably believe it was a bacterial infection such as Yersinia that spread the bubonic plague? You probably believe it was spread by rats? Well, you're wrong I'm afraid. The plagues spread new pandemics that continued well until the middle of the 17th century.....but they were
actually spread by mushrooms:
Some of the 'shrooms known to cause epidemics
The worst was a type of mushroom that caused it's carriers to go insane and cry out "Riiiiiiiiiiiidge Raaaaccceeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" all the time. It had no known cure resulting in the carrier having to be shot through the head to ease their suffering.
Of course, these were vastly different to the mushrooms people recreationally consume today
With the cessation of this pestilence, Humanity could progress yet again in its relentless onward march toward progress. It started off with farming and progressed to livestock. With this came the advent of horsemanship of the highest quality....that brought with it the ability for communities to connect with each other due to our ability to travel long distance.
The horse...a friend of man....allowed us to travel great distances
With long distance communication came the expansion of villages into towns and towns into cities. With the increase in our technology and wealth, came newer and better modernisations.
So on we go into our modern world. Our species has thrived and are now the dominant one on our planet. By far our most popular modern figure is the current Prime Minister:
Prime Minister Mario opening yet another shopping mall
Due to his efforts we have entered the space race and managed to plan our colonisation of other worlds:
Master Chief (commander of our space fleet) and his best friend
The future looks good for us.
Talking about the future....well what about it?
Well, it looks like we have new projects on the horizon. Our PM has already stated that after stepping down, he plans to use our exploration of space to actually go exploring for himself. He has said on record that he plans to do this before the end of 2007 and will document his travels into his own memoirs (tentatively entitled "My Galaxy").
He also says he would love to polish off his old martial arts skills for a friendly brawl with other celebrities, and re-opening the Smash Bros tournament is looking quite likely:
On other fronts, we may finally get told about the exploits of humanities greatest marks(wo)man, Samus Aran. Since her exploits on the unstable planet Aether for a search and rescue mission, no one has seen or heard of her. Rumours abound that the Galactic Federation's Base Sector Zero is currently being "cased" by Space Pirates. Hopefully, we'll find her safe and sound in due course.
Whatever the future holds for us, you can be sure that the future looks good...
Happy April Fools everyone
The world according to consoles.
Great Blog Entry :P Yoshisaurus Herbivourum & Koopasaurus Tyrannicus. Very Cool.
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